Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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