He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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