Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
