He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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