who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
