How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
