Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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