He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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