I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
