It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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