I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
