i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I only lived at night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
