I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
