Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
