If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this will be a night to untag.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
