I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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