Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
