Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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