Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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