He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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