Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
