You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
