First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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