Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
