I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
