I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She said her name was "party"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
