Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
