once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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