Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
