then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want a musical about memes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
