I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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