you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
