About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
