I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
