Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
