Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
