just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
