I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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