Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
