all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I AM VODKA MAN
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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