i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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