he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
