I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
