Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
