i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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