I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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