i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
