Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
