im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
