xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
birth control should be required to get into college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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