Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
