I just cut my nipple shaving
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry about my life...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
