Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
